Self-Control: The Overlooked Leadership Skill That Builds Trust

Ever heard of the marshmallow experiment? It was a test conducted with children in which the researchers gave a child a marshmallow. They were told they could eat it whenever they wanted but if they waited for the researcher to return, they would get to eat the treat with an additional one. However, the study found most children, like you would expect, didn’t wait and ate the marshmallows. This is a very basic example of our human nature, and even more so in our modern society. Instant gratification, or in many instances lack of self-control to discipline ourselves.

In today's business environment, we focus on production, results, quotas, or KPIs. For leaders, traits like charisma, decisiveness, and innovation are often the non-technical or results driven aspects people notice. However, one foundational skill quietly underpins effective leadership: self-control. This often-overlooked attribute is crucial for building trust, collaboration, and guiding teams through challenges.

So why Self-Control? Self-control is the ability to regulate emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in the face of temptations, conflict, and impulses. For leaders, this means responding thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively, especially in high pressure situations. Imagine angry customers, you need self-control. Dealing with a difficult employee? Self-control helps. Trying to land that next big client in an intense meeting? Self-control is needed to keep a level head.

Here is the thing, self-control builds trust with others. If they see you as a rational, level-headed person, they will trust you more!

Trust is the cornerstone of any successful team. When leaders demonstrate self-control, they create a stable environment where team members feel safe and valued. This stability encourages open communication, risk-taking, and innovation.

On the other hand, leaders who lack self-control may exhibit unpredictable behavior, resulting in a breakdown of trust and a decline in team performance.

Self-control is a concept that transcends various disciplines, including religions, leadership training, personal development coaching, and general personal growth.

The importance of self-control is emphasized in Scripture. Proverbs 25:28 (ESV) states, "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls." Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV) lists self-control as one of the fruits of the Spirit, highlighting its significance in the Christian life and, by extension, in leadership. Since my faith is important to me, self-control is extremely important to me as well!

Developing Self-Control as a Leader

Enhancing self-control is a continuous process that requires being intentional, practicing, and self-awareness. Here are some strategies to cultivate this vital skill:

1. Mindfulness and Reflection

Set aside time to reflect on your reactions and the decisions you've made. Journaling could be a great option for you! Mindfulness practices can help you become more aware of your emotional triggers and develop healthier responses.

2. Seek Feedback

Encourage honest feedback from colleagues and mentors about your behavior and how you’ve made decisions. This external perspective can reveal blind spots and areas for improvement. Feedback isn’t meant to point out all your flaws but areas for improvement and areas you’ve done well.

3. Set Clear Goals

Having clear goals, both short-term and long-term, can help you stay focused and resist short-term temptations that may undermine your leadership effectiveness. I’m a firm believer that if you are not setting or pursuing goals, you are missing a key factor in your own success.

4. Accountability Partners

Partner with someone who can hold you accountable for your actions and decisions. Think similar to a mentor or coach. Find someone you can talk to and who can follow up with you on the important decisions. This relationship can provide support and encouragement as you work to improve your self-control.

The Impact of Self-Control on Team Dynamics

Leaders who consistently exhibit self-control set a positive example for their teams. This behavior will foster cultures of respect, responsibility, and integrity. Plus, team members are more likely to follow their leader’s example in pressure situations, leading to a more cohesive and high-performing team.

Leaders with good self-control are better equipped to navigate conflicts, make balanced decisions, and maintain composure during crises. All of those aspects are essential for sustaining a successful and productive team.

While self-control may not be the most glamorous leadership trait or the most talked about, it is undeniably one of the most impactful.

As you reflect on your leadership journey, consider the role self-control plays in your interactions and decisions. Embracing this overlooked trait can lead to more growth and lasting success.